The Big 2-9

I am having a hard time comprehending the fact that I am officially 29 today. Only 364 days until I am no longer considering to be a young, 20 something. Or halfway to 60, as my loving brother told me on the phone earlier today. It's hard to believe that 10 years ago, I was already out of high school. It's been more than 10 years since those days! I still feel like a teenager. I used to think adults were crazy when they would say things like that and I thought for sure that when I was "old" I would feel my age, but that just isn't true. I don't look in the mirror and see an almost 30 year old. I still think of myself as being atleast 20, if not younger. I'm sure the rest of you don't see that, you can see the grey hairs that are popping up with scary regularity, the little wrinkles I'm getting around my eyes, the fact that I honestly do not have the energy that I hope I used to have. In a way, it's depressing. Had you asked me 15 years ago where I would be when I turned 30, I definitely wouldn't have replied with where I am today. Not that there's anything wrong with my current life, but it just seems like I should be doing more than I am. That being this close to 30 would make me more successful and ambitious. I don't know why I feel that way because all of my life I wanted to be a stay at home mom. I've achieved that, along with a teaching degree that I never really planned on but I'm thankful for. I guess I thought stay at home moms were more glamorous than we really are. There's not a lot of glamour that comes along with washing the same clothes week by week, or picking up the same toys hour by hour. It can be a little monotonous, but I'll take it over the chaos that was my life when I was a working mom for Garrett's first 9 months. I don't know how you working moms do it! You're awesome!

It didn't bother me when Keith turned 30. Of course he's 2.5 years older than me, so I was just happy to still be 27 when the big day came around for him. It didn't even seem to faze him. Although sometimes he will say that he can't believe he's 31 and he feels younger than that, so I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one.

I'm in hopes that 364 days from now when I turn 30, I won't be a blubbering mess, mourning the loss of my youth. I want to embrace each new decade with the excitement of what it has in store for me. I don't want to constantly be living in the past with my rose-colored memories, I want to be ready to make new, more exciting memories.

Can anybody tell me exactly how an almost 30 year old should feel? Because I'm not feeling it.