One Year

One year from today, I will be preparing myself and Garrett for his first day of school. Laying out clothes, fixing a lunch, getting his backpack ready, stuffing Kleenex into my purse and all available pockets on whatever I will be wearing that day. Just generally rushing around, trying to make it to school on time along with everyone else.

Can I just say that I'm not ready? That typing this actually gives me great feelings of apprehension and lots of sadness? Yes, I know that's life, kids grow up, they start school, but it really does feel like this has come up on me so fast. I remember when I was teaching school, I used to silently make fun of the parents who would be seen leaving the kindergarten hallway on the first day of school in tears. I always thought those kids looked plenty big to be bringing to school and I couldn't figure out why in the world parents would be sad about this day when they knew it would eventually come. I want to go back to that old me and slap her a little.

Yesterday morning at church our pastor talked about a tradition he started with his boys where they would say a quick prayer when they dropped their boys off at school every morning while they were still in the car. He started this when his oldest son was in kindergarten. His son just recently turned 16 and will now be driving himself to school so those mornings of his dad praying for him in the school parking lot before he walked into the building are a thing of the past. Just hearing that story made me tear up a little. How ridiculous am I.

What I do plan on doing is to attempt to savor this next year. Do breakfast out on occasion, go fun places during the day while school is in session for everyone else, just generally try to soak up these remaining 364 days I have of being the main focus for my child. I will soon become someone on the sidelines along with many other someones: teachers, coaches, principals, friends. I'm just not ready for it yet.